How to Win Friends and Influence People: The Only Book You Need to Lead You to Success
If you’ve never heard of this book, the first edition was printed in 1936, making it a self-help book over 80 years old that remains relevant.
I’ve always been a bit sceptical of books titled the likes “How something should be done” / “Where to find something you’re missing” / “What you didn’t know you’re doing wrong” etc., as they sound over-promising. Who are these people to say their ideas are winning formulas?
And what if, like me, you’re an introvert? Making new acquaintances or striking conversations with strangers probably isn’t anywhere near the top of your priority list. But this is very much a book for both people who enjoy and don’t enjoy conversations — if you do, it will shed light on how to make the most out of them and further your connections; if you don’t, it will still coach you on how to navigate those inevitable discussions we all hate. You know, family arguments, office conversations and whatnot.
“Everything you and I do springs from two motives: the sex urge and the desire to be great.”
Reading the book was a delight. The narrative is mellow and soft-spoken, almost like listening to a gentle grandfather who explains (with slightly OG vocabulary) how to reverse-engineer conversations. Carnegie’s ability to preach teachings from the most significant philosophical and political leaders of all time without coming across as presumptuous or condescending proves that the book does live up to its name.
Fundamental techniques in handling people:
Don’t criticise, condemn or complain.
Give honest and sincere appreciation.
Arouse in the other person an eager want.
6 ways to make people like you:
Become genuinely interested in other people.
Smile.
Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
Make the other person feel important — and do it sincerely.
How to win people to your way of thinking:
The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, ‘You’re wrong.’
If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
Begin in a friendly way.
Get the other person saying ‘yes, yes’ immediately.
Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.
Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.
Appeal to the nobler motives.
Dramatise your ideas.
Throw down a challenge.
How to change people without giving offence:
Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.
Talk about your own mistakes before criticising the other person.
Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
Let the other person save face.
Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be ‘hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.’
Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
Make the other person happy doing the thing you suggest.
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